Another story. Another perspective. Enjoy...
The third post is by Autumn Tomas. She is a writer, educator, consultant, partner and mother of three children. Living in Jacksonville, Florida, she loves the sunshine, the ocean, warm weather and sharing her thoughts with others!
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"I was born May 27, 1974, which means that I will be 38 on my next birthday. Nine years have gone by since I was in my 20’s. When I look back at the woman who I was 29 years, I don’t even recognize her. Who I am today is so much more and so much better than I was at 29, but I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t been that girl first.
At 29, I was thin. My body was firm and perky. I colored my hair because I like to change
shades. I wore makeup to make myself look prettier. In my 20’s, I ate what tasted good but not what was good for me. My only exercise was taking my children on walks. I dressed to entice and attract. I worked hard and enjoyed my job. I loved being a mom. My children thought that everything I did was awesome and cool. I had good friends and I lived close to my entire family in my small village. I turned heads when I walked into a room.
At 29, I was insecure. I let other people guide my choices. I thought that I had to be the perfect wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. I didn’t like myself. I was in an abusive marriage and I thought that it was my responsibility to fix it. I worried constantly about my self-image. I didn’t spend any time on self-reflection. My focus in my 20’s was about getting married and having babies. I didn’t know how to be single so I tolerated abuse from men because they gave me attention. My memory of that year is one of being unhappy, scared and stressed. At 29, I knew how to put on a “good face” to the world.
Next month, I will be 38. I’m not as thin as I was 9 years ago, but I am healthy and curvy in all
the right places. I color my hair now to hide those unwanted grays, but I change the shade based on my mood. I like my face so I wear makeup to enhance rather than attract. I still enjoy my food, but I have found that healthier food tastes better in my 30’s than it did in my 20’s. I work out 4 days a week for strength and for mental wellness. I still wear whatever I want but now it is for my enjoyment. I love being a mom but I am not their entire world anymore. Now, I’m mostly a loving, slightly embarrassing mother. I am blessed with amazing friends and a family that is separated by physical miles, but not emotional separation. I still turn heads when walk into a room.
At almost 38, I am secure in my own skin and I make choices based on my needs and wants. I am not perfect and I am totally happy with that fact. My relationship is healthy and it operates on respect, love, and the pure desire to be with each other. I am a single mother and very proud of the job that I have done raising my three children. I don’t look for approval from anyone. I give back to my community through volunteering. A night out is really a night in with friends and family, good wine and good food or a movie on the couch with my kids, even though they are teenagers and I’m not as cool as I once was.
In my 20’s, I was constantly looking for something. I was so focused on what my life was
supposed to be like that I missed actually living the life that I had. In my 30’s, I rid myself of everything that hurt me or held me back and I started my life over again. I found joy in simple things like spending time with my kids, having cocktails on the patio with my mom, or walking on the beach by myself. In my 20’s, I didn’t know what I wanted with my life. I kept thinking that having a man to love was the answer to all my troubles. In my 30’s, I took the time to be single and figure out who I was and where I wanted to be. I found my own worth and realized that I had to like myself before anyone else would like me.
As I approach 38, I no longer dread it. My 30’s have been about self discovery and learning to love myself. Where I once thought that the 20’s were about building my life, I now realize that I was too young to appreciate my life in my 20’s. I was too busy worrying about what everyone else thought about me rather than figuring out what I thought about me. In my 30’s, I have found my soul, my heart, my life. Now, I look forward to being 38 as another year to learn and grow and live. I know that I am blessed to have this wonderful life and I appreciate every day, even those days when I am running late, spill my morning tea, and lose my directions. I’m here and I’m grateful."
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"In my 20’s, I was constantly looking for something. I was so focused on what my life was supposed to be like that I missed actually living the life that I had."
What Autumn has written here resonates with me so much. I am 19 years old, approaching 20. That makes me still young compared to these women who have shared a part of their life with me on this blog. I guess at this point in my life, I want to tell you the three things that are deeply embedded within me at the age of 19.
Number one: I am young; I am ambitious. I have big plans and big goals for myself. I want to have a purpose and I want to contribute greatly to society in this life. This part of me makes me very driven to work hard, to learn and to succeed. You could say that at this age this is a very good thing.
Number two: I am young; I am restless. I'm always searching for the big excitement; anything that makes me feel alive. That keeps me searching for the greener grasses on the other side.
Number three: I am young; I am curious. I question most things and I am never happy until I get down to the bottom of my questions; even the little things. I am always searching for my purpose and what my life is "supposed to be" all about. This part of me makes me a thinker. But thinking too much is never a good thing.
Reading what Autumn has written makes me be aware of these traits and also give me some wake up call. The driven part of me makes me committed to my studies and my learning and my passions. I love this part of me because it makes me independent and it challenges me to increase my capabilities and my skills to do many things.
The restless part of me makes me have new experiences. But it also makes it very hard for me to fully live in the present. I forget that excitement can come in little things also, that may not be there in the future and when they are gone I may wonder where did they all go? I went to the cinema with a lovely friend of mine today and I truly enjoyed that moment. In that moment, I didn't think about what I wanted to do afterwards, what I should do or what I could be doing. It's very rare for me to feel this way. I loved the time I spent with my friend to talk about what has been going on in our lives and watch the movie (Prometheus 3D; I truly recommend you go see it 3D!). I realised how I was absorbed in all of the emotions I felt at that time without thoughts of dissatisfaction getting in the way. Moreover, it's the summer holidays now and I am back at home where it's much quieter and very much less exciting than when I am in another city of my University. I was caught up in planning about the things I want to do and doing those things on my list one by one to fill up my free time. I forget how I've been given an opportunity to takes things slowly and not just to spend time with my family but actually cherish it, instead of searching for the next big excitement. Life is only going to get busier after these three months. I know I won't get as much free time in the coming years to spend at home hence more reason to find greatness in the simple things. And that includes even the most simple things that you may hate to do [I'll leave it to you to insert your own example here and I challenge you to try to find some ways to enjoy that moment where you are doing something that you completely hate].
The curious part of me makes it harder for me to trust my instincts without thoughts getting in the way. I love the part of me that loves to be involved in digging up on many mysteries and to be deeper than relying on shallow appearances. But by always searching for my purpose and thinking to much into my life makes me forget to have more faith and trust in life. If you ask me, Win, what do you want your life's purpose to be about? I would probably say "Well, I want to help many people in a lot of ways and have a big impact in society but... that is all I know. And it is such a broad purpose. How can I do that? How do I get there?" After reading Autumn's guest post and how she has reached this far within around 10 years, I ask myself why do I want to know so much? Do you really want to know? The answer is no, I don't. I forget to have faith in life itself, to know that if I play my part well I am already half way there, to realise that there will be things that I can't control (and I must not try to control those things or most importantly, to not try to control people), to know that when I choose to trust and believe in life, the rest will fall in to place and naturally play out for themselves in how it was meant to be. Whether I flow or resist the current, I will still get to the destination I am suppose to reach in this life anyways so why resist? I should just simply enjoy flowing in the current.
Thank you so much Autumn - your post has touched me in many ways and hopefully it will do that for many more people.
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@autumntomas
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